Quote for today

HOW CAN DISCIPLESHIP HELP THOSE OF US WHO ARE ALWAYS IN A HURRY?

We can learn how to act quickly without hurrying. Quickness is an attribute of action. Hurry is an attribute of the spirit. First, we need to recognize when we’re being drawn into hurry. At that point, stop and take time out. Then we go over how God is with us and we’re acting with Him at our side.
…
Hurry involves the idea that something is out of control and we must take control. Hurry is an act of unfaith.
…
Silence, solitude, fasting and Scripture memorization train us to respond differently to events when an immediate response is required

~Dallas Willard
in “Apprentice To The Master: Interview With Dallas Willard” by Jan Johnson

Quotes for today

God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.

~Elisabeth Elliot

***

Obedience to God’s will is the secret of spiritual knowledge and insight. It is not willingness to know but willingness to DO (obey) God’s will that brings certainty.

~Eric Liddell

***

Happy is the soul which … holds itself ceaselessly in the hands of its Creator, ready to do everything which he wishes; which never stops saying to itself a hundred times a day, “Lord, what would you have me to do?”

~Francois Fénelon

Developing Intimacy with God

Aronis, Alexander Basile. 2003. Developing intimacy with God : an eight-week prayer guide based on Ignatius’ “Spiritual exercises”. 1st ed. Makati City, Philippines: Union Church of Manila. (book review)

The book has developed out of the author’s dissertation about Ignatius’ “Spiritual Exercises” as a model for spiritual direction 20 years before writing the book. During this time the author refined his understanding and teaching about ‘Devotional Prayer’ by serving as a spiritual director for many people.

The book includes prayer exercises for every day of the eight-week period, teaching and using different types of prayer and skills necessary to reach the goal:

“increase your love for Christ, broaden your self-understanding, connect you with vital spiritual principles, intensify your desire to become more like Jesus, and strengthen your commitment to serve him by serving others.” (1)

It can be used by individuals or by groups. Ideally an individual working through the book could have a mentor or spiritual director for feedback, but the book is written in a way that it can be used as the only spiritual guide.

The author defines ‘Devotional Prayer’ as the objective to develop “intimate knowledge of Christ that I might be with him, become like him, and live for him.” This theme of “with – like – for” him helps to keep the perspective. The threefold perspective is reflected in nearly every exercise.

The book is divided into five parts:

Part I – seeing yourself as God sees you (week 1)
Part II – the life and ministry of Christ (week 2-6)
Part III – the suffering of Christ (week 7)
Part IV – the resurrection of Christ (week 8 )

Every week starts with some introductory teaching about different prayer styles and related topics, which are then practiced during the exercises of the week. Each daily exercise focuses on a biblical passage using different ways of reflecting on it.

For example, in one week the author explains the different types of prayer, such as preparatory prayer, meditative reading, imaginative contemplation, heart prayer, prayer of petition, prayer of adoration, prayer of rest and infused prayer. In another week he introduces the reader to four types of insight – principle insight, attachment insight, interior insight and detachment insight. Another time the author expands on themes such as the “Four Degrees of Humility,” why we experience desolation, or how to rest in the Lord. Every week finishes with experiences from “Friends on the Journey” which can help answer certain questions or responds to problems many people have.

Listing these concepts may sound very theoretical and overwhelming, and it can be difficult to remember the different terms. However, since they are introduced gradually and practiced for one week before other new concepts are presented, one is able to grow into them and absorb them into one’s personal practice. Not every style is for everybody but practicing all the styles for a time helps to discover new approaches to prayer and find out which ones are most beneficial for oneself. The goal is not theoretical knowledge but real intimacy with God so as to reach the objective:

“be with him, become like him, and live for him.”

The book has been a real blessing to me and I recommend it highly. I believe that every individual working through it will grow in their relationship with Christ, even though the effects will be different for each person.

In closing, I want to mention and underline one aspect that I found especially interesting:

When reading the Bible or listening to a sermon most insights fall into four categories – principle insights (general principle, fundamental truth), attachment insights (something that inspires me to love God more), interior insights (increases self-understanding), and detachment insights (things that we need to let go of, that hinder our devotion to God). We need all of these types of insights, but it is the Attachment Insights that we need most because they motivate us to become more like Christ. Many of us, especially pastors and teachers tend to focus on Principle Insights but spiritual principles will not lead to increased delight in or intimacy with the Lord during prayer, and therefore not have the same transformational effect as an Attachment Insight. The reality of Christ’s love and presence shines best through people who know how to cherish Attachment Insights.

Does this surprise me? No, not really but until now I had not made this connection. It is nothing new that rules and principles rarely lead to transformation but relational modeling and healthy attachment can do that. Therefore we are more likely to grow in our relationship with God and be transformed into his image when we let our hearts be attracted to the person and work of Jesus than when we just focus on general principles.  In practical terms, this means if a text triggers different types of insights in us, and we sense no special guidance by the Spirit to focus on one of them, it is best to focus on an Attachment Insight if you want to become more like Christ.

Joy Dance

One of the basic skills taught in the Life Model and at the Thrive conferences is sharing joy with others, and thereby building up the joy center in our brain. It is the first of 19 vital brain skills that help us to reach the maturity appropriate for our physical age.

It’s a very simple exercise and we did it multiple times during the Thrive conference. Probably it not only helped us learn the skill of “Sharing Joy” but it also provided the connection with our training partner that we needed for other exercises. You can find it described in the “Basic Thrive Skills, Year 1” training guide, written by Jim Wilder, Chris and Jennifer Coursey.

I found a similar description of this exercise in a book from Susan Kuchinskas “The Chemistry of Connection” and she calls it “Attachment Dance.” Based on these two sources I decided to call it “Joy Dance”.

The following is a combination of the instructions of these two sources. Wilder & Coursey’s description is more intended for intentional exercises, while Kuchinskas’ description is more naturally integrated into everyday life. Kuchinskas gives one description for parents and caregivers, and another one for adults. The following is based on her instruction for adults.

1. Pick a quiet time and a situation where it is natural for you two to be face to face, such as sitting at a café or talking in your living room. Sit close enough that your knees could be touching.
2. Begin to notice when you two look into each others eyes, and when one of you looks away. Give yourself the permission to look away whenever you feel like it. (This is not a stare-down contest à la Garfield.)
3. Intentionally hold your friend’s gaze for a few moments whenever comfortable. Observe your body reaction: Is your breathing slow, or do you feel a constriction in your chest? Are you leaning back, sitting upright, or leaning forward?
4. Whenever necessary, let your gaze move around the room again. You may look at your friend’s mouth or hands, or at something else in your environment.
5. Look back at your friend and notice when she (or he) returns your gaze. If it feels natural, say something positive about her or your relationship. If it doesn’t feel natural, say it to yourself. You might think something as simple as, “I really like her” or “She is such a precious person.” Think about what you appreciate about your friend.
6. Continue to observe how your body reacts. Is there any change? Whatever you experience is ok.
7. Repeat the process as long as it feel right.
8. If you want to do this with a friend as an intentional exercise, agree to do it for 3 minutes, connecting and disconnecting as needed, and afterward discussing what the experience felt like.

(Wilder & Coursey p1-2; Kuchinskas p67-68)

The purpose is to stay in your comfort zone as you draw closer to the other person and then retreat a bit from connection. If the exercise is successful, you will feel a stronger bond with your friend. You will feel closer to that person and experience familiarity with her (him) as well as shared joy. In an unsuccessful exercise you will feel tension, anxiety and fear. You might feel like avoiding the person or running away.

Wilder & Coursey also mention that it does not work well when you are tired, or upset by something else, or you do not have a positive bond with the other person. In my experience, it won’t work well either when there is a lingering tension in your relationship. On the other hand, even if you don’t know the person very well but both of you are motivated to learn this skill, it can work very well despite the lack of a previous bond. At least that was my experience at the conference. However, it is not recommended to do it with a person of the opposite sex who is not your partner.

So, what is actually happening here?

The whole process is a nonverbal communication between the right-brain hemispheres between two people, communicating our most desired positive emotional state – that we enjoy being with another person. It strengthens our joy center, thereby increasing our joy strength, which enables us to better deal with problems and suffering. And it releases dopamine.

Recent brain science has discovered how our right-brains communicate with each other. A signal is sent from one person’s right brain (to be precise – the right orbital prefrontal cortex), and expressed through the left eye (or the left side of the face), perceived by the left eye of the other person, and communicated to the other person’s right brain. Then the same kind of signal is sent back, from right brain, to left eye, to other person’s left eye, and to the right brain. This back and force communication happens six times per second and grows stronger over time. Isn’t that fascinating? This is of course completely subconscious and cannot be faked.

You have probably seen people whose eyes sparkle when they look at each other. This happens when people are in love, but not only then. It also happens between parent and child. It happens between good friends. It happens every time when we are glad to be with somebody. It is our right brain telling our vis-à-vis nonverbally about our joy of being with them. Without this joyful experience of being with people who are glad to be with us, we cannot experience wholeness. Even though we can enjoy beautiful things, such as a sunset or a painting, joy is relational and therefore most powerful (and amplified) when experienced between people. According to some neurologists, the most basic human need is to be the “sparkle in someone’s eye.” Or in other words – to do the Joy Dance.

On this background, I am even more touched by the passage in Zephaniah 3:17 –

The Lord your God is with you,he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
with his love he will quiet you (or: calm all your fears),
he will rejoice over you with singing.”

It took me a long time to understand that God delights in me, rejoices over me, even when I have messed up. His love and joy over us does not depend on our perfection. It took me a long time to grasp and believe that God is doing a Joy Dance because of me. Today I know it’s true, and it fills me with great joy and thankfulness.

Quote for today

I prefer a definition of spirituality that takes into account both the intrinsic love of God for a fallen humanity and a human nature that is called and empowered to grow in the image of God. Being “dead in trespasses and sin” does not mean that there is not a restlessness within (of God’s implantation) that only God can satisfy. However, it takes many of us an inordinate length of time, much groping and countless dead ends before we realize that we have been fleeing from a pursuing God who wills only our good, but who can give us that “good” only as we die to “good,” as we customarily define it. So we both hunger for God and flee from God. We remain restless until we find peace with God, yet typically we seek that peace by means of idols of our own devising.

~ Allan H. Sager, in Gospel-Centered Spirituality

Blog hiatus

… until my paper is finished.

Practicing God’s presence

The term Practicing the Presence of God goes back to Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection, a Carmelite brother, who was born as Nicolas Herman in French Lorrain in 1611 (or 1614?) and died in February 1691. Some call him the ‘kitchen saint’ because he worked in the monastery kitchen for most of his life. Despite his lowly status, many were attracted to him by his passionate relationship with God and came to him for advice. These conversations and letter exchanges with people of his community were later collected and published by Father Joseph de Beaufort. [The quotes and pages numbers in this post refer to the book 'Practicing His Presence' by Br Lawrence and Frank Laubach]

Br. Lawrence defines Practicing the Presence of God as living consciously in God’s presence every moment of the day by continually talking with him, and “referring all that we do to Him” no matter which task is at hand. In the beginning this practice needs diligence but after a while

we shall find His love inwardly excites us to His presence without any difficulty. (46)

As a result Br. Lawrence admitted that

My set times of prayer are not different from other times of the day. Although I do retire to pray (because it is the direction of my superior) I do not need such retirement nor do I ask for it because my greatest business does not divert me from God. (47)

His interaction with God was marked by simplicity, a desire to please God in everything and never let himself be diverted by thinking “of trifles and foolish things.” (42) It resulted in a holy freedom and familiarity with God, and a deep assurance of God’s presence and goodness.

According to Br. Lawrence devotions are only the means to an end where being in God’s presence is the end, which makes devotions useless once you are living in God’s presence. He goes even so far as to say that

I have given up all forms of devotion and set prayers other than those to which my state obliges me. My only business now is to persevere in His holy presence. I do so by simple and loving attention to the Lord. Then I have the experience of the actual presence of God. To use another term I will call it a secret conversation between my soul and the Lord. (77)

Frank Charles Laubach (1884-1970) in his search for a more complete surrender to God developed a similar praxis 200 years after Br. Lawrence’s death. He was a missionary among Muslims in the Southern Philippines when he started at age 45 the practice of abiding in Christ’s presence. He chronicled his personal experience in letters to his father, which were later published as “Letters by a modern mystic.” Like Br. Lawrence he testifies that it is possible to continuously live in and experience God’s presence. Laubach’s efforts seem rather legalistic and forced at first when he tries to think of God every few seconds but fails for most of the day. However, eventually the effect made it all worthwhile:

This concentration upon God is strenuous, but everything else has ceased to be so. I think more clearly, I forget less frequently. Things which I did with a strain before, I now do easily and with no effort whatever. (15-6)

I remember how as I looked at people with a love God gave, they looked back and acted as though they wanted to go with me. I felt then that … I saw a little of that marvelous pull that Jesus had as He walked along the road day after day ‘God-intoxicated’ and radiant with the endless communion of His soul with God. (19)

Laubach recommends in the beginning to

try to call Christ to mind at least one second of each minute. You do not need to forget other things nor stop your work, but invite Him to share everything you do or say or think. (30)

Which is why he called his fresh approach to Br. Lawrence’s “Practicing the Presence of God” also “Game with minutes” and gives very practical suggestions on how to go about it. He assures people that

the results of this effort begin to show clearly in a month. They grow rich after six months, and glorious after ten years. (30)

Quotes for today

Authentic prayer – which is deeply sensible of God, who speaks out of the depths, and in an awareness of the chaos that surrounds us – requires that we move out of the structure into the antistructure. Here the receptive mode of consciousness is operative.

~Urban T. Holmes, III (in A History of Christian Spirituality)

“All true wisdom is only found far from men, out in the great solitude, and it can be acquired only through suffering. Privations and sufferings are the only things that can open a man’s mind to that which is hidden from others.” (Eskimo shaman speaking to the Danish explorer Rasmussen)

The virtue is not in suffering, per se, rather, suffering tears us away from the anesthetization of orderly comfort and forces us into the antistructure with its alternate mode of experiencing God.

~Corinne Ware (in Discover Your Spiritual Type)

The ‘receptive mode’ refers to the theory of bimodal consciousness and is contrasted with the active mode; ‘structure’ and ‘antistructure’ refer to Victor Turner’s anthropological theory that all relationships fall into these two categories. Relationships defined by structure, value status and role and go together with the action mode.

Quote for the week

Spirituality is not about looking away from life but more deeply into it, not about denying the human but about releasing our true selves, and that the life of our truest self partakes of the very substance of God’s life, the One Self that is at the heart of all selves. In Christ, the perfect image of God, we see our truest self.

~J. Philip Newell

in Newell, J. Philip. 1997. Listening for the heartbeat of God : a Celtic spirituality. New York: Paulist Press.

Complex Communication

Cross-cultural communication can be very tricky. Especially when people from indirect cultures communicate with people from direct cultures, and vice versa. The potential for misunderstandings is huge.

This was one of the topics I taught this week. Craig Storti uses the dialogue concept (which was developed by Alfred Kraemer) in his book “Figuring foreigners out.” The idea is to bury cultural differences inside a small dialogue to make people think.

I am especially fascinated by the following dialogue between an American employer and an Asian employee.

Ms. JONES: It looks like we’re going to need some people to come in on Saturday.
Mr. WU: I see.
Ms. JONES: Can you come in on Saturday?
Mr. WU: Yes, I think so.
Ms. JONES: That’ll be a great help.
Mr. WU: Yes. Saturday’s a special day, did you know?
Ms. JONES: How do you mean?
Mr. WU: It’s my son’s birthday.
Ms. JONES: How nice. I hope you all enjoy it very much.
Mr. WU: Thank you. I appreciate your understanding.

One reason I find this one so fascinating is that even I did not pick up on everything. Of course, I am not a specialist for Asian indirectness. But would you have noticed that the first two replies from Mr. Wu are an indirect ‘no’?

Ms. Jones did not realize that already her first opening sentence was perceived as an indirect request. Neither did she realize that Mr. Wu answered twice in the negative, but in his indirect style. He was probably wondering why she does not get it, so he tries to be more direct but without success. I did realize that, in the end, they both thought that they had understood each other, but didn’t. Mr. Wu will not come to work on Saturday but Ms. Jones still thought he would. Not a happy ending.

Since my students were all from indirect cultures, one exercise was to rewrite indirect sentences into more direct ones, so that their colleagues from direct cultures would get the message. I have not yet seen all the papers, but I can tell you that it was not an easy task for them. What they considered very direct was still fairly indirect. I guess it is the same for us, from direct cultures – it is hard to be more indirect, and not have the feeling that this way the message will never come across.

On the other hand, we need to realize that in situations where people from several cultures work together, indirect communication is not a good choice. Indirect communication is also called high context. It works well in situations where people have a lot common. Then it is not necessary to spell things out clearly. A lot can be implied and will still be understood because people have an intuitive understanding of each other because of the shared context. This is not the case in more individualistic contexts, nor in multicultural contexts. In these situations it is better to work towards a more direct communication style to avoid misunderstandings. Hopefully with a happier ending.

Cross-cultural communication can be very tricky. Especially when people from indirect cultures communicate with people from direct cultures, and vice versa. The potential for misunderstandings is huge.

This was one of the topics I taught this week. Craig Storti uses the dialogue concept which was developed by Alfred Kraemer in his book “Figuring Foreigners Out.” The idea is to bury cultural differences inside a small dialogue to make people think.

I am especially fascinated by the following dialogue between an American employer and an Asian employee.

Ms. JONES: It looks like we’re going to need some people to come in on Saturday.
Mr. WU: I see.
Ms. JONES: Can you come in on Saturday?
Mr. WU: Yes, I think so.
Ms. JONES: That’ll be a great help.
Mr. WU: Yes. Saturday’s a special day, did you know?
Ms. JONES: How do you mean?
Mr. WU: It’s my son’s birthday.
Ms. JONES: How nice. I hope you all enjoy it very much.
Mr. WU: Thank you. I appreciate your understanding.

One reason I find this one so fascinating is that even I did not pick up on everything. Of course, I am not a specialist for Asian indirectness. But would you have noticed that the first two replies from Mr. Wu are an indirect ‘no’?

Ms. Jones did not realize that already her first opening sentence was perceived as an indirect request. Neither did she realize that Mr. Wu answered twice in the negative, but very indirect. He probably is wondering why she does not get it, so he tries to be more direct but without success. I did realize that, in the end, they both thought that they had understood each other, but didn’t. Mr. Wu will not come to work on Saturday but Ms. Jones still thought he would. Not a happy ending.

Since my students were all from indirect cultures, one exercise was to rewrite indirect sentences into more direct ones, so that their colleagues from direct cultures would get the message. I have not yet seen all papers, but I can tell you that it was not easy for them. What they considered very direct was still fairly indirect. I guess it is the same for us, from direct cultures – it is hard to be more indirect, and not have the feeling that this way the message will never come across.

On the other hand, in situations where people from several cultures work together, indirect communication is not a good choice. Indirect communication are also called high context works well when people share a lot of background in common. This